Hi everyone,
I wanted to write about being a vegetarian today, because it is something that has been on my mind lately. I have a feeling though, that its going to turn more into a bit of a whinge...
Up until about 7 months ago, i was a big meat-eater. I would have meat every day. Chicken, beef, pork, bacon... I would eat it all... I always did have a small objection to eating meat, as i am sure a lot of you also have. I would stop for a few seconds before i ate it and thought to myself "Gee, this is a living creature". But I suppose due to the conditioning I have had all my life (being: eat meat, its good for you), the few seconds would only ever be that, a few seconds... And then i was chowing down on the cooked flesh of another creature...
When people ask me (and they ask me a lot, almost someone everyday) why I became a vegetarian, I usually give them some story about feeling sick if i eat meat, or "my body feels better now I don't eat it", which is not a lie... But they have nothing to do with why I stopped eating it.
Sometimes I even use the vipassana meditation I went to as an excuse. I know I shouldn't . I should just be open and honest. But I have noticed that a lot of people are plain rude to me about my non meat eating...
So then, why don't I eat meat anymore??
Because I just don't FRIGGING want to!
I do not want to eat the flesh of another animal!!!
Oh that feels so nice to say that! I am so sick of making excuses for the food I eat, or apologise for the food that I don't eat.
As hippy as this may sound: I believe that ALL life is precious. Fundamentally, down to the smaller units of matter, there is not one thing separating me from another living creature.
I do not want to eat another creature that may have a soul, that looks through its own eyes... That has its own thoughts...
So call me crazy, but I DON'T WANT TO EAT MEAT!!! So why do people look at me as though i should have come out of some mental institution, or escaped from some circus tent when I tell them that I don't eat meat!!?? Why do I find that I have to LIE to them, to make MYSELF feel better??
I am determined now, that the next person that asks me why i have "converted" to the vego clan, I am going to be honest with. I am going to say "I just didn't want to eat meat anymore".
I think that people get defensive. They think that just because I don't eat meat, that I am going to protest against the fact that they do, and make them feel bad for eating meat. Well I am sure that a lot of vegetarians do, but not me. I am not a converter... I am not going to tell someone off for something I had been doing myself for 26 years!!! Can't we all just get along??
I am vegetarian, and proud of it!! So stop giving me shit!!
Mel xoxoxo
You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, ill buy you a new car.
- Harvey Diamond
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
Episode 5 - A Harsh Lesson
Ah the 5th episode. I dont really know what this episode is going to be about, so i am going to wing it. I have had the urge to write and instead of supressing it, i have decided to just start typing. Only question is, where the hell am i going to start??
I have blabbed on in my blogs about some issues that are close to my heart. Really close to my heart. About being still, and being in the moment, and not allowing yourself to get caught up in trivial life issues. About letting go, and that everything changes, to enjoy silence and solitude.. To go with the flow of life and all that jazz...
Well ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who thought that i actually had it... For those of you who thought "Wow... Mel seems to have her shit sorted..." I would like to face the music so to speak, and admit what a complete loon I have been in the last 1.5 months... And how NOT sorted my shit has been...
Without getting too personal, after all this is a PUBLIC blog, that every Tom, Dick, Harry and potential ex husband is able to read *EKKK*, lets just say that these last one and a half months have been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride. Incredible highs, rock bottom lows... I am sure that all of you can relate. Anyway, the point is not what is actually happening... Its what has happened to my strength so to speak... Its about where i am at on the inside, and how the hell i get out of here and back to some sort of spiritual sanity!!??
I have seen many people close to me lose their way at times... Feel lost and alone. I am sure we have all been there. Something happens, and catches us at a low point, and BOOM!! The world metaphorically comes crashing down on us and we don't know what to do. I dont think we would quite be human if this didn't happen. What really interests me about these times though, is that we FORGET. We forget who we really are, and the strength we REALLY posess, and we get wrapped up in the drama. We get into this habit of feeling sorry for ourselves, and we dwell in it. We enjoy it almost. Its like a vaccum that sucks you back in. But where is the line? Where does it become unhealthy?
Its interesting how each different person reacts differently. Some people can't even see outside the vaccum they are in... There is no talking to some people... Others see glimpses, but are unable to step away... Or they see that they are able to, but believe they lack the power to move... Others spot it straight away and out they come...
As for me, after being on this ride for a month and a half, i have began to step back a little. To start being more aware. And let me tell you, it is so much better on this side of the fence. Although, to look back at the way i have reacted to things, and felt about things, and dealt with things, makes me very upset with myself!!! What happened?? Why have i been feeling so miserable?? How have i let a situation that i cannot control, effect me so much? Even the really wonderful times of the immediate past, have been tainted with this storm cloud that keeps crashing lightning down on me... And the really funny thing, is that i always HAVE been in control. I am in complete control of how i allow things to effect me. I KNOW THIS!! I have EXPERIENCED this!!! So how come i have let myself get so lost??? And even more importantly, HOW DO I FIX IT?? How do i get out and prevent getting sucked back in again??
Perhaps the answer to this question lies in the approach... I am going to jump out of myself completely for a moment and i am going to pretend that this is not me. What would i say if this were one of my friends going through this? What words of wisdom would i give? What inspirational speeches would i make?
First up i would suggest that they meditate. To get some peace and quiet from their mind for a while. To try and stop the constant mind chatter... To connect with themselves on a deeper level. EVERY DAY...
Secondly, I would suggest that they watch their thoughts and not become intertwined in their thoughts. Isn't that what every new age self help book is saying nowadays??
I would suggest that they keep a diary and keep getting everything out. A blog perhaps?
I would suggest that they converse with a bunch of crazy like-minded people who can help them through it. I would tell them to look up at the stars, to read books, to practice gratitude, to look for more meaning in little things, do some tarot or affirmation cards, i would tell them to practice the law of attraction!! What is the ironic thing about all of this?? (other than the obvious hippy factor??)
IM NOT DOING ANY OF THIS!!
No wonder i have been feeling frigging miserable!! I have been trying to avoid feeling miserable so much that i have not realised that i have been miserable. And i have been desperatly trying to hold on to the moments that are NOT miserable so much that I have not been able to fully embrace those moments... All my efforts to avoid misery, have led to MORE misery........ Jesus!!! the Buddhists are RIGHT!!! Far out!!! Why do we humans do this to ourselves??? No wonder we spend so many lifetimes trying to get it right!!! It seems almost impossible!!
So what now? Where do i go from here? Stay positive... keep meditating... FULLY ENJOY EACH MOMENT, no matter what is happening somewhere/some-when else... Stay cheerful, enjoy the lack of control...
One step at at time... One day at a time... At least i can feel the old spiritually sane Mel coming back!! And its about bloody time!!!!!!!!
Mel xoxo
------
"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Seperate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which is always as it is."
- Eckhart Tolle
I have blabbed on in my blogs about some issues that are close to my heart. Really close to my heart. About being still, and being in the moment, and not allowing yourself to get caught up in trivial life issues. About letting go, and that everything changes, to enjoy silence and solitude.. To go with the flow of life and all that jazz...
Well ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who thought that i actually had it... For those of you who thought "Wow... Mel seems to have her shit sorted..." I would like to face the music so to speak, and admit what a complete loon I have been in the last 1.5 months... And how NOT sorted my shit has been...
Without getting too personal, after all this is a PUBLIC blog, that every Tom, Dick, Harry and potential ex husband is able to read *EKKK*, lets just say that these last one and a half months have been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride. Incredible highs, rock bottom lows... I am sure that all of you can relate. Anyway, the point is not what is actually happening... Its what has happened to my strength so to speak... Its about where i am at on the inside, and how the hell i get out of here and back to some sort of spiritual sanity!!??
I have seen many people close to me lose their way at times... Feel lost and alone. I am sure we have all been there. Something happens, and catches us at a low point, and BOOM!! The world metaphorically comes crashing down on us and we don't know what to do. I dont think we would quite be human if this didn't happen. What really interests me about these times though, is that we FORGET. We forget who we really are, and the strength we REALLY posess, and we get wrapped up in the drama. We get into this habit of feeling sorry for ourselves, and we dwell in it. We enjoy it almost. Its like a vaccum that sucks you back in. But where is the line? Where does it become unhealthy?
Its interesting how each different person reacts differently. Some people can't even see outside the vaccum they are in... There is no talking to some people... Others see glimpses, but are unable to step away... Or they see that they are able to, but believe they lack the power to move... Others spot it straight away and out they come...
As for me, after being on this ride for a month and a half, i have began to step back a little. To start being more aware. And let me tell you, it is so much better on this side of the fence. Although, to look back at the way i have reacted to things, and felt about things, and dealt with things, makes me very upset with myself!!! What happened?? Why have i been feeling so miserable?? How have i let a situation that i cannot control, effect me so much? Even the really wonderful times of the immediate past, have been tainted with this storm cloud that keeps crashing lightning down on me... And the really funny thing, is that i always HAVE been in control. I am in complete control of how i allow things to effect me. I KNOW THIS!! I have EXPERIENCED this!!! So how come i have let myself get so lost??? And even more importantly, HOW DO I FIX IT?? How do i get out and prevent getting sucked back in again??
Perhaps the answer to this question lies in the approach... I am going to jump out of myself completely for a moment and i am going to pretend that this is not me. What would i say if this were one of my friends going through this? What words of wisdom would i give? What inspirational speeches would i make?
First up i would suggest that they meditate. To get some peace and quiet from their mind for a while. To try and stop the constant mind chatter... To connect with themselves on a deeper level. EVERY DAY...
Secondly, I would suggest that they watch their thoughts and not become intertwined in their thoughts. Isn't that what every new age self help book is saying nowadays??
I would suggest that they keep a diary and keep getting everything out. A blog perhaps?
I would suggest that they converse with a bunch of crazy like-minded people who can help them through it. I would tell them to look up at the stars, to read books, to practice gratitude, to look for more meaning in little things, do some tarot or affirmation cards, i would tell them to practice the law of attraction!! What is the ironic thing about all of this?? (other than the obvious hippy factor??)
IM NOT DOING ANY OF THIS!!
No wonder i have been feeling frigging miserable!! I have been trying to avoid feeling miserable so much that i have not realised that i have been miserable. And i have been desperatly trying to hold on to the moments that are NOT miserable so much that I have not been able to fully embrace those moments... All my efforts to avoid misery, have led to MORE misery........ Jesus!!! the Buddhists are RIGHT!!! Far out!!! Why do we humans do this to ourselves??? No wonder we spend so many lifetimes trying to get it right!!! It seems almost impossible!!
So what now? Where do i go from here? Stay positive... keep meditating... FULLY ENJOY EACH MOMENT, no matter what is happening somewhere/some-when else... Stay cheerful, enjoy the lack of control...
One step at at time... One day at a time... At least i can feel the old spiritually sane Mel coming back!! And its about bloody time!!!!!!!!
Mel xoxo
------
"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Seperate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which is always as it is."
- Eckhart Tolle
Monday, November 30, 2009
Episode 4 - Chaos and Stillness
Hi Everyone!
I know i have not written in this blog for a long time. I had a few emails asking about my experience at Vipassana, but have not yet been able to put everything down on paper. I figured it was about time to write SOMETHING about it, and for all of you who seemed to be interested in doing it yourselves after i spoke to you, hopefully it will give you a bit of a reminder.
But here is where the dilemma starts. I want to write down everything that happened and what i ate, and where i slept... How the meditations went. But I cant. If i give too much detail about the experience that i had, i may ruin it for others. And that would be the worst thing i could do.
But what i am going to explain, are some of the fundamental lessons that i have learned while i was there, and more importantly the lessons that i took away and kept after six months...
And i like lists, so here goes:
1. You are not your thoughts.
"Yeah yeah yeah" i hear you say... i have heard this one before... You are not your thoughts... tell me something i dont know... Well thats the thing. A lot of people DON'T know that. Most of the time in life, we get so swept up in our thoughts that they become our reality.
I read recently in some hippy book, that you have over 60 THOUSAND thoughts in every one day... And over 99% of them are crap. Useless crap. You know the thoughts... "Oh look at that over there, thats shiny", or "I hate this ad", or "Look at what they are wearing", "I hate this", "Why cant it be this way or that way?". Our head is full of these useless thoughts. And we get carried away with them. Follow them... Dwell on them...
We constantly live in the world of our thoughts, and these thoughts are never in the present. They are always in alternate realities, such as "what if's" or in the past dwelling on past mistakes, or even caught up in previous THOUGHTS... What a cycle!! And we are all in it!! Every one of us. Some more than others obviously, but everyone none the less.
So why do we have such an attachment to these thoughts?? Because we learn to become attached. From a very young age we learn to put labels on things, and to live in the world of the past or potential future.
In the experience that i had at Vipassana, i learned to be in the present moment. Obviously this isn't an experience that lasts forever... only very short times...
speaking of forever...
2. NOTHING lasts forever. EVERYTHING changes.
Every cell in our body is changing in every second. The person that you were when you started reading this chapter, you are not now. Chemically, your composition has changed, your structure. We are only a bunch of changing, moving cells. Emotional pain for example, does not last forever. It is ever changing and transforming... even if it is from one pain to another. But maybe, just maybe, if we acknowledge that its not going to last forever, we can get through it...
3. We can alter our PERCEPTIONS.
How awesome would it be, to not be upset about something anymore. Or to not be affected by something anymore. I like the analagy used by Neale Donald Walsh in "Conversations with God". You look down at a rock. Its just a rock right??? Sure... But from the ROCKS perspective, it is a magnificant structure, with billions of atoms moving at trememdous speeds. From the rocks perspective, it is tumultuous! It is loud and chaotic in there. It is forever changing, never staying the same... yet to us, its just a rock... So what are WE missing?? An astronaut looks down at the earth. It is just a rock right? It looks calm and serene. But from the EARTHs perspective, it is chaotic, billions of people, storms, weather... Spinning on its axis, ever changing. But from the astronaut's perspective, its a beautiful blue ball sitting in an endless nothing...
So if we can change the perceptions we have about our everyday life, there would be no limitations on how wonderful we can feel, even when the worst things are happening to us. We have the power to change every situation we are experiencing into a positive... To get away from being a victim, to be more at peace.
4. Meditate, Meditate, Meditate.
Once i got back from vipassana, i felt so in control... I was so informed, so pleased with myself that i let everything go to poo. I stopped meditating, stopped being so insightful and got back into my little shell... Even though i hate it there!! I couldn't stop it! And that is because i am so conditioned to feeling like that, to being in control. Continuous practice is the key to success.
5. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Your body tells you when you are tired, what you are feeling, how connected you are feeling. Your body speaks louder than we give it credit for. The experience i had allowed me to be connected to my body in a way i had never been before. To be able to experience almost down to a cellular level, the energy of my body. The power of my heart beating, the softness of a breeze against my skin. The warmth that I generate. It was an amazing experience to be so connected. And i have not felt so connected since then. But i have realised that i need to listen to my body more, to acknowledge it and enjoy it.
I have always been one to believe that everything happens at the time it is supposed to, and that 'everything happens for a reason' and all of that...
Only days after returning from vipassana, I lost my beautiful Nan. She died of complications following a bad fall. She passed away quite peacefully with her family around her and we all got to say our goodbyes. The experience i had at vipassana truly helped me cope with this loss, both as it was happening, and in the days, weeks and months to follow. During vipassana, I remember vividly on one of the last days of the meditations, i heard a beautiful voice so powerful and clear. It said "Nan is going to leave this earth very soon. When you leave here you need to go to see her." This voice did not make me upset, the only way to explain it was a wonderful feeling of knowing. Knowing that everything changes, that life does not not last forever, and not to be upset, but to be at peace with it.
I believe this voice was not some spirit, or some divine prophecy. I believe that this was my inner voice, the voice of somewhere deep within my consciousness, where we are all connected as one. Where everything is connected as one. And to have tapped into that, even if just for ONE moment, is worth all the rest.
Mel xoxo
"Each must discover his own way in life, and that way lies in his heart.
Let him delve deeply into the depths of his being; his true centre is not far from there."
- N. Sri Ram
I know i have not written in this blog for a long time. I had a few emails asking about my experience at Vipassana, but have not yet been able to put everything down on paper. I figured it was about time to write SOMETHING about it, and for all of you who seemed to be interested in doing it yourselves after i spoke to you, hopefully it will give you a bit of a reminder.
But here is where the dilemma starts. I want to write down everything that happened and what i ate, and where i slept... How the meditations went. But I cant. If i give too much detail about the experience that i had, i may ruin it for others. And that would be the worst thing i could do.
But what i am going to explain, are some of the fundamental lessons that i have learned while i was there, and more importantly the lessons that i took away and kept after six months...
And i like lists, so here goes:
1. You are not your thoughts.
"Yeah yeah yeah" i hear you say... i have heard this one before... You are not your thoughts... tell me something i dont know... Well thats the thing. A lot of people DON'T know that. Most of the time in life, we get so swept up in our thoughts that they become our reality.
I read recently in some hippy book, that you have over 60 THOUSAND thoughts in every one day... And over 99% of them are crap. Useless crap. You know the thoughts... "Oh look at that over there, thats shiny", or "I hate this ad", or "Look at what they are wearing", "I hate this", "Why cant it be this way or that way?". Our head is full of these useless thoughts. And we get carried away with them. Follow them... Dwell on them...
We constantly live in the world of our thoughts, and these thoughts are never in the present. They are always in alternate realities, such as "what if's" or in the past dwelling on past mistakes, or even caught up in previous THOUGHTS... What a cycle!! And we are all in it!! Every one of us. Some more than others obviously, but everyone none the less.
So why do we have such an attachment to these thoughts?? Because we learn to become attached. From a very young age we learn to put labels on things, and to live in the world of the past or potential future.
In the experience that i had at Vipassana, i learned to be in the present moment. Obviously this isn't an experience that lasts forever... only very short times...
speaking of forever...
2. NOTHING lasts forever. EVERYTHING changes.
Every cell in our body is changing in every second. The person that you were when you started reading this chapter, you are not now. Chemically, your composition has changed, your structure. We are only a bunch of changing, moving cells. Emotional pain for example, does not last forever. It is ever changing and transforming... even if it is from one pain to another. But maybe, just maybe, if we acknowledge that its not going to last forever, we can get through it...
3. We can alter our PERCEPTIONS.
How awesome would it be, to not be upset about something anymore. Or to not be affected by something anymore. I like the analagy used by Neale Donald Walsh in "Conversations with God". You look down at a rock. Its just a rock right??? Sure... But from the ROCKS perspective, it is a magnificant structure, with billions of atoms moving at trememdous speeds. From the rocks perspective, it is tumultuous! It is loud and chaotic in there. It is forever changing, never staying the same... yet to us, its just a rock... So what are WE missing?? An astronaut looks down at the earth. It is just a rock right? It looks calm and serene. But from the EARTHs perspective, it is chaotic, billions of people, storms, weather... Spinning on its axis, ever changing. But from the astronaut's perspective, its a beautiful blue ball sitting in an endless nothing...
So if we can change the perceptions we have about our everyday life, there would be no limitations on how wonderful we can feel, even when the worst things are happening to us. We have the power to change every situation we are experiencing into a positive... To get away from being a victim, to be more at peace.
4. Meditate, Meditate, Meditate.
Once i got back from vipassana, i felt so in control... I was so informed, so pleased with myself that i let everything go to poo. I stopped meditating, stopped being so insightful and got back into my little shell... Even though i hate it there!! I couldn't stop it! And that is because i am so conditioned to feeling like that, to being in control. Continuous practice is the key to success.
5. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Your body tells you when you are tired, what you are feeling, how connected you are feeling. Your body speaks louder than we give it credit for. The experience i had allowed me to be connected to my body in a way i had never been before. To be able to experience almost down to a cellular level, the energy of my body. The power of my heart beating, the softness of a breeze against my skin. The warmth that I generate. It was an amazing experience to be so connected. And i have not felt so connected since then. But i have realised that i need to listen to my body more, to acknowledge it and enjoy it.
I have always been one to believe that everything happens at the time it is supposed to, and that 'everything happens for a reason' and all of that...
Only days after returning from vipassana, I lost my beautiful Nan. She died of complications following a bad fall. She passed away quite peacefully with her family around her and we all got to say our goodbyes. The experience i had at vipassana truly helped me cope with this loss, both as it was happening, and in the days, weeks and months to follow. During vipassana, I remember vividly on one of the last days of the meditations, i heard a beautiful voice so powerful and clear. It said "Nan is going to leave this earth very soon. When you leave here you need to go to see her." This voice did not make me upset, the only way to explain it was a wonderful feeling of knowing. Knowing that everything changes, that life does not not last forever, and not to be upset, but to be at peace with it.
I believe this voice was not some spirit, or some divine prophecy. I believe that this was my inner voice, the voice of somewhere deep within my consciousness, where we are all connected as one. Where everything is connected as one. And to have tapped into that, even if just for ONE moment, is worth all the rest.
Mel xoxo
"Each must discover his own way in life, and that way lies in his heart.
Let him delve deeply into the depths of his being; his true centre is not far from there."
- N. Sri Ram
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Episode 3 - Taking the Red Pill...
Hi Everyone!!
Gosh it feels so good to be writing again! It has been such a busy month and i have not taken the time out to stop and write. I apologise to the 2 or 3 people who actually enjoy reading this thing, and i hope that you enjoy this installment...
So, where did i leave you oh so long ago?? Ah Buddhism... The way of looking at things from another perspective, the way to gain some clarity and understanding...
Well after giving that speech, i had myself hooked... I became intensely interested in anything that even remotely LOOKED like it was associated with Buddhism... But life took over... Work, uni, college, work.... How was i going to gain a better understanding of anything to do with Buddhism if i had worked myself up into a stress over the due dates of assignments and abstracts... (The one thing that Buddhism would HELP me cope with I'm sure...). I was on the wrong track... I was missing the point of something here...
Way back in my first blog, i mentioned the intensive class that i did. During that class a type of meditation was mentioned in passing... It was called Vipassana. And for some reason, my ears pricked up... "What is this vipassana??" I asked my class mates...
"Well, you go and meditate for ten days, and you don't talk to anyone... Its torture, i only lasted 6 days, don't even bother thinking about it.." Said one of them.
Now those of you who know me know that if i hear something that sounds like a challenge, i tend to get a bit excited about the prospect... But nevertheless, i remained convinced that i shouldn't even bother looking into anything like that because i cant shut up for 5 minutes let alone TEN DAYS, and that if that girl couldn't stand 6 days, there was no way i would be able to handle it either...
So i put this out of my head and went on with my business, when the universe decided to play with my mind a little bit... VIPASSANA... I started hearing it everywhere... On the train, in the street... mentioned in a cd i was listening to, and a book that i was reading... for some reason i was being haunted by this word. And it kept coming back into my mind again... I was determined to ask this girl more about her experience when we got back to class, only to discover that she had dropped out of the course because she was finding it too difficult. And this was where i was really starting to think... I mean, this course is challenging on an emotional level sure, but i am really enjoying it and have never once thought of it as difficult... And then it dawned on me, everybody is different, and if she found this course challenging, perhaps she wasn't ready for ten days of intense meditation... But that doesn't mean that i am not... I figure i am a pretty strong person... So i looked it up...
As soon as i saw the website something was stirring within me, some yearning for knowledge or yearning for understanding... Something was happening and within minutes of arriving at the site i was looking up the dates that the course was run. I looked at the dates to courses and dates in my diary, and found one course that was running that was away from other major events in my life (ie assignment due dates and friends birthdays), and thought that would be perfect if only i could get the time off work. Determined to leave it up to fate and the universe, i went to work the next week to take a look at the holiday board to see if there was any chance that i was able to take that particular fortnight off. Looking at the big board with its many black marker lines and scribbles, i made my way to the dates that i had in my hand... And out of that month and all the months around it, THAT fortnight was the ONLY one that i COULD take time off... A sign perhaps??? so i took the leave and booked in for ten days of intense meditation experience...
VIPASSANA:
According to the many websites i have looked at, Vipassana meditation simply means to see things as they really are. To free the mind of cravings and to learn how to be aware of your thoughts, but not affected by them on an emotional level... To put your attention entirely on your body and how the different thoughts affect them... or something to that effect. According to all the stuff i have read, you spend a whole three days just at the start simply focusing on breathing during the meditations and letting the thoughts go and learning to focus inwards... Some people have claimed to have some very amazing experiences, some unworldly clarity, some curing of illness...
Talk about a boot camp though...
It is apparently quite difficult, some people don't make the whole ten days, some break down, and others have even had full blown psychotic episodes... yes i am serious... There is no talking, or making eye contact with anyone... no books, phones, writing materials, no games, no NOTHING for the entire duration of the course. Each day starts at 4am and you meditate for 12 hours of the day... Only light vegetarian meals are provided and only a bit after midday as to aid in meditation...
First up, for all those who's eyes are rolling thinking "How on earth is MEL going to do this?? TEN DAYS OF NOT TALKING???" Gosh i hear ya, i love to talk... So why am i doing it then?? Because you only live once, and i want to experience everything that i can in this life. This has called to me so much that i will regret it forever if i don't go, so I'm doing it.
Whether i actually make it ten days is another story, but we will cross that bridge if i come to it... :)
So later on today i shall take the red pill and make my way into the matrix, not to emerge until July... But whether i am successful or unsuccessful, hopefully i shall have a grand story to tell!!
Mel xoxo
PS - For more information on Vipasana meditation, this is a good place to start http://www.dhamma.org/en/art.shtml
I will leave you with some quotes, from the matrix because i see that fitting for this particular episode...
Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
----
Morpheus: Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me.
---
(And my personal favourite for this episode...)
Cypher: I've been thinking it ever since I got here: Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?
xoxo
Gosh it feels so good to be writing again! It has been such a busy month and i have not taken the time out to stop and write. I apologise to the 2 or 3 people who actually enjoy reading this thing, and i hope that you enjoy this installment...
So, where did i leave you oh so long ago?? Ah Buddhism... The way of looking at things from another perspective, the way to gain some clarity and understanding...
Well after giving that speech, i had myself hooked... I became intensely interested in anything that even remotely LOOKED like it was associated with Buddhism... But life took over... Work, uni, college, work.... How was i going to gain a better understanding of anything to do with Buddhism if i had worked myself up into a stress over the due dates of assignments and abstracts... (The one thing that Buddhism would HELP me cope with I'm sure...). I was on the wrong track... I was missing the point of something here...
Way back in my first blog, i mentioned the intensive class that i did. During that class a type of meditation was mentioned in passing... It was called Vipassana. And for some reason, my ears pricked up... "What is this vipassana??" I asked my class mates...
"Well, you go and meditate for ten days, and you don't talk to anyone... Its torture, i only lasted 6 days, don't even bother thinking about it.." Said one of them.
Now those of you who know me know that if i hear something that sounds like a challenge, i tend to get a bit excited about the prospect... But nevertheless, i remained convinced that i shouldn't even bother looking into anything like that because i cant shut up for 5 minutes let alone TEN DAYS, and that if that girl couldn't stand 6 days, there was no way i would be able to handle it either...
So i put this out of my head and went on with my business, when the universe decided to play with my mind a little bit... VIPASSANA... I started hearing it everywhere... On the train, in the street... mentioned in a cd i was listening to, and a book that i was reading... for some reason i was being haunted by this word. And it kept coming back into my mind again... I was determined to ask this girl more about her experience when we got back to class, only to discover that she had dropped out of the course because she was finding it too difficult. And this was where i was really starting to think... I mean, this course is challenging on an emotional level sure, but i am really enjoying it and have never once thought of it as difficult... And then it dawned on me, everybody is different, and if she found this course challenging, perhaps she wasn't ready for ten days of intense meditation... But that doesn't mean that i am not... I figure i am a pretty strong person... So i looked it up...
As soon as i saw the website something was stirring within me, some yearning for knowledge or yearning for understanding... Something was happening and within minutes of arriving at the site i was looking up the dates that the course was run. I looked at the dates to courses and dates in my diary, and found one course that was running that was away from other major events in my life (ie assignment due dates and friends birthdays), and thought that would be perfect if only i could get the time off work. Determined to leave it up to fate and the universe, i went to work the next week to take a look at the holiday board to see if there was any chance that i was able to take that particular fortnight off. Looking at the big board with its many black marker lines and scribbles, i made my way to the dates that i had in my hand... And out of that month and all the months around it, THAT fortnight was the ONLY one that i COULD take time off... A sign perhaps??? so i took the leave and booked in for ten days of intense meditation experience...
VIPASSANA:
According to the many websites i have looked at, Vipassana meditation simply means to see things as they really are. To free the mind of cravings and to learn how to be aware of your thoughts, but not affected by them on an emotional level... To put your attention entirely on your body and how the different thoughts affect them... or something to that effect. According to all the stuff i have read, you spend a whole three days just at the start simply focusing on breathing during the meditations and letting the thoughts go and learning to focus inwards... Some people have claimed to have some very amazing experiences, some unworldly clarity, some curing of illness...
Talk about a boot camp though...
It is apparently quite difficult, some people don't make the whole ten days, some break down, and others have even had full blown psychotic episodes... yes i am serious... There is no talking, or making eye contact with anyone... no books, phones, writing materials, no games, no NOTHING for the entire duration of the course. Each day starts at 4am and you meditate for 12 hours of the day... Only light vegetarian meals are provided and only a bit after midday as to aid in meditation...
First up, for all those who's eyes are rolling thinking "How on earth is MEL going to do this?? TEN DAYS OF NOT TALKING???" Gosh i hear ya, i love to talk... So why am i doing it then?? Because you only live once, and i want to experience everything that i can in this life. This has called to me so much that i will regret it forever if i don't go, so I'm doing it.
Whether i actually make it ten days is another story, but we will cross that bridge if i come to it... :)
So later on today i shall take the red pill and make my way into the matrix, not to emerge until July... But whether i am successful or unsuccessful, hopefully i shall have a grand story to tell!!
Mel xoxo
PS - For more information on Vipasana meditation, this is a good place to start http://www.dhamma.org/en/art.shtml
I will leave you with some quotes, from the matrix because i see that fitting for this particular episode...
Spoon boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Spoon boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: There is no spoon?
Spoon boy: Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
----
Morpheus: Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain, but you feel it. You've felt it your entire life, that there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me.
---
(And my personal favourite for this episode...)
Cypher: I've been thinking it ever since I got here: Why oh why didn't I take the BLUE pill?
xoxo
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Episode 2: Buddhism for Beginners...
Hi everyone!
Sorry that this episode is a bit later than i would have wanted!! I had quite a busy stress-filled week and when i did sit down and try to write, nothing with any intensity or passion surfaced... Is this what you call "writers block"??? Feels more like an inspiration halt if you ask me!
But now i am in much better spirits and really want to get back into writing again! So there is heaps of stuff that i want to write about, but i wouldn't want to bombard you with too much stuff, so i will pick one topic that has been an inspiration to me over the last week or so...
That last class i did (that i mentioned in my last blog), re-sparked an interest in finding out more about Buddhism... And i thought, what the hell... While i am discovering, i might share it with you... for those of you who know about it already it will be a brief refresher, but for those of you who are like me.. (complete Buddhist novices)... then hopefully this will be a fun insight into the world of the Buddha. And for me, i get to find out about it, write about it, and be social and share it at the same time! Again I have this time management thing down pat!!
So first up, i thought i would explain a little about why i am interested in this particular religion at the moment. For those of you who know me, you would know that i am far from religious, honestly I use gods name in vain a whole lot more than i should, do not exactly lead the most wholesome of lives, and i am not one to fall for crap... so why all of a sudden am i interested in this??
To be honest, it is not something i even thought about looking into before a year ago... I never had any need to find out anything about it... As far as i was aware, i was living my life, care-free, content, happy, secure... I never had any reason to question my life or anything in it... So then comes the big turn around, the big change that causes the perception shift... in my case it was the breakdown of my marriage... the pieces of the puzzle have finally been thrown onto the board and for once i realise the truth... That i didn't have all the pieces i thought i did, and the puzzle was much larger than i ever imagined... This young woman, who had never before questioned the "meaning of life", and thought that philosophy was for "people with no life", is suddenly finding herself realising that her life was indeed a massive lie... An illusion, with emotions that existed only in her mind... And she starts to put it all together.. EVERYTHING is in her mind...
It all really came to a climax after a few months of meditating on a regular basis, attempting to quiet the crap going on... I was at work of all places.. I don't exactly remember the specifics, but if its anything like normal, i was probably running late... anyway, i was in the change room and i was rushing to take off my scrubs and go home for the evening... I was pulling off my pants and hopping on one leg (as you do) trying to manage my shoes at the same time, when my leg bashed the wooden bench... I suppose "bashed" is an understatement actually... Considering the huge bruise that formed as soon as it happened... You know that feeling when you hear the bang, and the pain comes, and the pain is so tremendous that you just don't know what to do??? You feel like yelling (and using gods name in vain again) or screaming, or just to whack your arm against the wall because you think "Hey maybe if i feel pain somewhere else it wont hurt so bad in my leg!!!??" well those options were going through my head for a split second, and then it just stopped... Out of nowhere it stopped... Not the pain mind you, but the attachment of the pain... I could feel my leg, but i was disassociated from the agony.. my mind was quiet. And i sat down on that same wooden bench, and i just was...
I'm not sure how long this feeling lasted, it felt like forever, but it could not have been more than a few minutes and i stood up, and finished getting dressed, and hobbled out of there...
The first thing i thought of honestly, was "Gee... I believe it now when people can have operations without anaesthesia..." If somebody could do for a few hours, what i just did for a few minutes, then anything is possible... The second thing i thought of, was that if i could block out such a terrible pain in my leg... Then i could block out any emotion, or any thought... and be still... what a wonderful feeling... Imagine being free of all problems... Even just for a little while... Imagine not being in pain, or depressed, or sick... even if just for a moment... be completely still...
So this leads me to Buddhism... I have not been able to feel that beautiful stillness in its intensity since then, and i long for that feeling again. And through this year of searching for "spirituality", it has led me in numerous ways to Buddhism.
The only experience i have had at all to my recollection with Buddhism was a long time ago i was on a weekend away with a friend of mine when we were much younger, and we went to a festival and saw some Tibetan monks chanting. At the time it was a fun novelty, these bald guys in robes chanting... it was beautiful, but i never got it... Plus there was a little bit of alcohol involved so perhaps i was not in the right state of mind anyway... And that was what i have grown to imagine Buddhists to be... Bald and chanting... Talk about the tip of the iceberg...
The Basics:
Who was the Buddha? - Otherwise known as Siddhartha Gautama, he lived and died 400-500 years BCE. Most sources agree that he was a man who was brought up in a palace, with everything he ever needed. It was predicted at a young age (again according to most sources) that Siddhartha would either become a king if he did not leave the palace walls, or he would become a holy man if he were to leave. So his father kept him in the palace (obviously... a king or a what???) So being rebellious, Siddhartha left at 29 years of age with a horse and carriage, and went out into the kingdom. There he saw what are now referred to as the "four sights". He saw a sick man, an old man, and a dead man. He asked his carriage driver "who does this happen to?" And the driver replied "Everyone". He then saw the fourth sight, a hermit or yogi, and decided to leave this life of luxury to pursue a life dedicated to the eradication of suffering..
What Is the Point of Buddhism? = So,... in my all be it novice and very basic knowledge, ill try to sum it up. Suffering is everywhere... Not just in death and sickness, but in each of us... In our daily lives, in our work, in our relationships, in our families... This suffering is brought on by ourselves, our thoughts and our perceptions... our attachment to our memories and our past and our possible or potential futures... Our attachments to things... It is human nature to be so self absorbed in our lives, in our attachments to objects and people, that who we really are at our core, is lost. At the same time though, we cannot live a life full of just self mortification and 'spirituality'. We cant spend the rest of our lives in deep meditation to gain freedom from our thoughts... A balance is needed. You cannot know freedom and enlightenment, until you know what its like to have suffering.
In Buddhism the "noble path" is often spoken of... And i feel that i should mention it here... Not just because of its posh name, but it is theoretically, the 8 steps to freedom... to view the truth of the world as it is, and not what it appears to be, the intention of harmlessness and freedom, to speak in a truthful way, to act in a non-harmful way, to live a non-harmful livelihood, to consciously make an effort to improve, being aware of the present reality of this moment in ones self, and finally to concentrate, and meditate. Sounds easy enough huh??????????............
Buddhism seems to me, not to be so much a religion, but a way to live. It is an attempt at gaining some clarity from our emotions, and be more at peace with things as they really are. And in all seriousness, don't we need more of that in our life? To not be so consumed with the happenings of the world, but be more at peace with the world itself???
So, bring on the chanting i say!! I am off to gain a better understanding of this fascinating "religion" and the workings of my mind and consciousness... I don't know how, when or where to do this... but i will keep you posted...
Melissa
Mels Quote of the Week:
'Liberation can only be gained by practice, never by discussion'
SN Goenka
Sorry that this episode is a bit later than i would have wanted!! I had quite a busy stress-filled week and when i did sit down and try to write, nothing with any intensity or passion surfaced... Is this what you call "writers block"??? Feels more like an inspiration halt if you ask me!
But now i am in much better spirits and really want to get back into writing again! So there is heaps of stuff that i want to write about, but i wouldn't want to bombard you with too much stuff, so i will pick one topic that has been an inspiration to me over the last week or so...
That last class i did (that i mentioned in my last blog), re-sparked an interest in finding out more about Buddhism... And i thought, what the hell... While i am discovering, i might share it with you... for those of you who know about it already it will be a brief refresher, but for those of you who are like me.. (complete Buddhist novices)... then hopefully this will be a fun insight into the world of the Buddha. And for me, i get to find out about it, write about it, and be social and share it at the same time! Again I have this time management thing down pat!!
So first up, i thought i would explain a little about why i am interested in this particular religion at the moment. For those of you who know me, you would know that i am far from religious, honestly I use gods name in vain a whole lot more than i should, do not exactly lead the most wholesome of lives, and i am not one to fall for crap... so why all of a sudden am i interested in this??
To be honest, it is not something i even thought about looking into before a year ago... I never had any need to find out anything about it... As far as i was aware, i was living my life, care-free, content, happy, secure... I never had any reason to question my life or anything in it... So then comes the big turn around, the big change that causes the perception shift... in my case it was the breakdown of my marriage... the pieces of the puzzle have finally been thrown onto the board and for once i realise the truth... That i didn't have all the pieces i thought i did, and the puzzle was much larger than i ever imagined... This young woman, who had never before questioned the "meaning of life", and thought that philosophy was for "people with no life", is suddenly finding herself realising that her life was indeed a massive lie... An illusion, with emotions that existed only in her mind... And she starts to put it all together.. EVERYTHING is in her mind...
It all really came to a climax after a few months of meditating on a regular basis, attempting to quiet the crap going on... I was at work of all places.. I don't exactly remember the specifics, but if its anything like normal, i was probably running late... anyway, i was in the change room and i was rushing to take off my scrubs and go home for the evening... I was pulling off my pants and hopping on one leg (as you do) trying to manage my shoes at the same time, when my leg bashed the wooden bench... I suppose "bashed" is an understatement actually... Considering the huge bruise that formed as soon as it happened... You know that feeling when you hear the bang, and the pain comes, and the pain is so tremendous that you just don't know what to do??? You feel like yelling (and using gods name in vain again) or screaming, or just to whack your arm against the wall because you think "Hey maybe if i feel pain somewhere else it wont hurt so bad in my leg!!!??" well those options were going through my head for a split second, and then it just stopped... Out of nowhere it stopped... Not the pain mind you, but the attachment of the pain... I could feel my leg, but i was disassociated from the agony.. my mind was quiet. And i sat down on that same wooden bench, and i just was...
I'm not sure how long this feeling lasted, it felt like forever, but it could not have been more than a few minutes and i stood up, and finished getting dressed, and hobbled out of there...
The first thing i thought of honestly, was "Gee... I believe it now when people can have operations without anaesthesia..." If somebody could do for a few hours, what i just did for a few minutes, then anything is possible... The second thing i thought of, was that if i could block out such a terrible pain in my leg... Then i could block out any emotion, or any thought... and be still... what a wonderful feeling... Imagine being free of all problems... Even just for a little while... Imagine not being in pain, or depressed, or sick... even if just for a moment... be completely still...
So this leads me to Buddhism... I have not been able to feel that beautiful stillness in its intensity since then, and i long for that feeling again. And through this year of searching for "spirituality", it has led me in numerous ways to Buddhism.
The only experience i have had at all to my recollection with Buddhism was a long time ago i was on a weekend away with a friend of mine when we were much younger, and we went to a festival and saw some Tibetan monks chanting. At the time it was a fun novelty, these bald guys in robes chanting... it was beautiful, but i never got it... Plus there was a little bit of alcohol involved so perhaps i was not in the right state of mind anyway... And that was what i have grown to imagine Buddhists to be... Bald and chanting... Talk about the tip of the iceberg...
The Basics:
Who was the Buddha? - Otherwise known as Siddhartha Gautama, he lived and died 400-500 years BCE. Most sources agree that he was a man who was brought up in a palace, with everything he ever needed. It was predicted at a young age (again according to most sources) that Siddhartha would either become a king if he did not leave the palace walls, or he would become a holy man if he were to leave. So his father kept him in the palace (obviously... a king or a what???) So being rebellious, Siddhartha left at 29 years of age with a horse and carriage, and went out into the kingdom. There he saw what are now referred to as the "four sights". He saw a sick man, an old man, and a dead man. He asked his carriage driver "who does this happen to?" And the driver replied "Everyone". He then saw the fourth sight, a hermit or yogi, and decided to leave this life of luxury to pursue a life dedicated to the eradication of suffering..
What Is the Point of Buddhism? = So,... in my all be it novice and very basic knowledge, ill try to sum it up. Suffering is everywhere... Not just in death and sickness, but in each of us... In our daily lives, in our work, in our relationships, in our families... This suffering is brought on by ourselves, our thoughts and our perceptions... our attachment to our memories and our past and our possible or potential futures... Our attachments to things... It is human nature to be so self absorbed in our lives, in our attachments to objects and people, that who we really are at our core, is lost. At the same time though, we cannot live a life full of just self mortification and 'spirituality'. We cant spend the rest of our lives in deep meditation to gain freedom from our thoughts... A balance is needed. You cannot know freedom and enlightenment, until you know what its like to have suffering.
In Buddhism the "noble path" is often spoken of... And i feel that i should mention it here... Not just because of its posh name, but it is theoretically, the 8 steps to freedom... to view the truth of the world as it is, and not what it appears to be, the intention of harmlessness and freedom, to speak in a truthful way, to act in a non-harmful way, to live a non-harmful livelihood, to consciously make an effort to improve, being aware of the present reality of this moment in ones self, and finally to concentrate, and meditate. Sounds easy enough huh??????????............
Buddhism seems to me, not to be so much a religion, but a way to live. It is an attempt at gaining some clarity from our emotions, and be more at peace with things as they really are. And in all seriousness, don't we need more of that in our life? To not be so consumed with the happenings of the world, but be more at peace with the world itself???
So, bring on the chanting i say!! I am off to gain a better understanding of this fascinating "religion" and the workings of my mind and consciousness... I don't know how, when or where to do this... but i will keep you posted...
Melissa
Mels Quote of the Week:
'Liberation can only be gained by practice, never by discussion'
SN Goenka
Monday, April 27, 2009
Episode 1: Back to Kindy
So right now i write this sitting on the couch thoroughly and utterly exhausted. No, i didn't just do a big run... No i didn't do any weights at the gym... In fact the physical activity in which i participated in today could be actually placed in the "Lazy" category... No.. I have just finished a grueling three days of spiritual activity!!!
So when i signed up for this holistic counselling course, and signed up for one of the subjects as a three day "intensive" class to save time on a week to week basis... I guess i wasn't really anticipating the INTENSIVE part (One thing that i will be careful not to do in future!!).
The subject was called "Introduction to life care". Even the title of this class sounds lovely doesn't it?? Life care?? What could that mean?? The care of your life?? The care of life in general?? Whatever it was, i was looking forward to a nice peaceful class on this "life care", in which i would sit with other people and talk about life and care, and drink hot chocolate and stroll home where i would go about my regular late night activities of watching television and web surfing... Then retire to the realm of sleep, and be energised for another hot chocolate conversation session the next morning... Oh how naive i was!!
Little did i know that this little subject was going to emotionally drain me like i have never been drained before... Take me where i have never been before, and give me a whole new appreciation for not only my life, but the life on and of the entire planet!!
Firstly, after meeting the lovely teacher, who is a Buddhist counsellor, and introducing ourselves and sharing what our passion is, (Apparently my 'passion' is my work... how sad is that???!!!!) we were asked to grab the crayons and a piece of paper, and were asked to draw our "souls". Now this is not as easy as it may seem. How does one draw their soul?? Give it a go, seriously, its not easy. And funny enough, right there in the first hour was where the first issue of mine came to the surface... Why was i having such trouble putting crayon to paper? Why was everyone else going for it, while i was there crayon in hand ready to go but coming up with nothing..
I realised that i didn't want to draw because i think i am crap at it. I have no hesitation in admitting this, i cant draw for shit. Never have been able to. But why did i think that?? Is this something that i have always thought? I mean sure, i think i have always realised that i was no Picasso (and i have been to the museum in Barcelona, he is not THAT good...), but why did i believe that i was so horribly terrible at drawing or being artistic that if anyone saw it they would laugh loudly at me and my attempt and i would rip up the paper and storm out of the room...? Later on after a deep conversation with a fellow 'life carer', i realised it was because of an old art teacher i had.
Sure, i was never really good, but what do you do with a kid who has no artistic skill, but is forced to do art??? Well this teacher would say to me "Melissa, you are really not very good at this are you..." She used to get frustrated with me if i couldn't draw the things that she wanted, or if i got the dimensions wrong. So how does a young girl react to that kind of criticism?? Well obviously she shuts down all her artistic urges and never puts crayon to paper again!!
So that's what i did... and i have never drawn anything since then. 13 years it has been since i have ever drawn ANYTHING!!! How amazing is that!! That one thing that one person says can completely distort your view on the world and take away something wonderful. Or should i say, it was my REACTION to what she said. Nobody can make you do or think something negative about yourself unless you allow that on some level.
So that was my crash start to 'life care'. And boy, did the issues keep coming... I wont go into many more here, there were some big some smaller, some stupid, some very very deep.
One thing i do want to touch on though, is the planet...
No please don't fret! I have not become some crazy greenie (not that there is anything wrong with that...) I have not bought some paint to climb up a large building to write a protest...But i have come to a few little inner realisations... One of the things that this life care class was emphasising was the importance and beauty of "Mother Earth". Now i am not quite evolved enough in my thinking to call her "mother earth" without inverted commas... But it is not the label that is important. Its the planet. The place that we live...
We saw a video on the earth called the global brain, and although i realise that it is just one person's opinion and it was slightly biased, it really hit some home truths. The biggest realisation i came to, is that we, as a species are really ruining the planet that we live on!
Now i know we hear this all the time, from the matrix to documentaries by ex vice presidents, the message has been around for a very long time. But for some reason, it may have been the energy of the class in general, with all the other people there too, but somewhere within the depths of me started stirring... I'm not just talking about the whole greenhouse effect thing. Which is huge in itself! (if you believe it all), but the whole fact that we are (and i don't mean to be too negative here, but i do think it will come out like this...) literally a cancer on this planet. If you believe that the earth is a living thing, we are the cells that have mutated, multiplied by tremendous proportions, and produce so much waste that the planet is having trouble keeping up with us. We are destroying the planet! And we talk about this, and we watch our documentaries, but how much is that actually having an effect on anything...??
I realise that all life does this to some extent. Even if human beings were not on this planet, the other animals still produce waste, but it is in much more of a balance. And when you look up to the stars and the universe, i cant help but wonder if "life" as we know it here on earth, is not a 'devine plan', but nothing more than a freak accident. I am sure that we are not the only living beings in the universe, when you look at all the billions of stars in our galaxy, and look at the other BILLIONS of galaxies out there with their TRILLIONS of stars, it is mathematically impossible for us to be the only life... But still, to see the other planets in our solar system with their baron landscapes, intolerable temperatures and gases that are incompatible with life, it makes me feel that we are nothing but a lucky mistake of atoms. Does this ever make you feel insignificant??
I went away up north a few months ago and was away from the city, i LOVED being able to look up at the stars, you can barely see them in Sydney... So when i literally lay down on the beach and looked up at the beautiful magnificence of the galaxy that we live in, i tried to explain this to my friend. She told me that the way i was describing this made her feel very insignificant. That there was no point to existence at all, that we are nothing but a speck of sand on the beach that i was lying on. I could understand her reasoning, but at the same time, the same facts actually made me feel quite secure. Looking up at the vastness, i couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of belonging*... That i was part of something magnificent and wonderful. It put all my petty little life problems into perspective. And to think that one day i will be nothing more than a different part of the whole, not in the physical realm, gave me a few blissful moments where my mortality did not scare me, my mind wasn't in the way, and i was nothing more than a beautiful part of a beautiful universe. Now that i look back though, these are the moments that i strive for. But i find it hard to strive for that peace and serenity that i know is already there somewhere, if i cant see the stars....
Our planet is a beautiful and wondrous place. And if we are polluting ourselves to extinction, i cant help but think that we deserve it, and the only thing that reassures me, is that we will still in some way, be part of the greater whole, and that hopefully our planet will be able to heal.
So anyway, to cut a very long essay short, the weekend class has changed my inner feeling on topics that i have already pondered mentally, and hopefully this is a change for the long term!
I hope that you enjoyed this first "blog", i have really enjoyed and felt inspired writing it, please feel free to let anyone read it who wants to. I don't care how many people think i am a loon!! I AM a loon!!
Thanks for listening to my ramblings!!
Mel
* Funny note here, notice how the way that someone looks at something COMPLETELY can change their whole outlook. The same facts to two completely different people can cause such a dramatically different effect on their emotional system!! My friends insignificance to my magnificent wonder!!!
So when i signed up for this holistic counselling course, and signed up for one of the subjects as a three day "intensive" class to save time on a week to week basis... I guess i wasn't really anticipating the INTENSIVE part (One thing that i will be careful not to do in future!!).
The subject was called "Introduction to life care". Even the title of this class sounds lovely doesn't it?? Life care?? What could that mean?? The care of your life?? The care of life in general?? Whatever it was, i was looking forward to a nice peaceful class on this "life care", in which i would sit with other people and talk about life and care, and drink hot chocolate and stroll home where i would go about my regular late night activities of watching television and web surfing... Then retire to the realm of sleep, and be energised for another hot chocolate conversation session the next morning... Oh how naive i was!!
Little did i know that this little subject was going to emotionally drain me like i have never been drained before... Take me where i have never been before, and give me a whole new appreciation for not only my life, but the life on and of the entire planet!!
Firstly, after meeting the lovely teacher, who is a Buddhist counsellor, and introducing ourselves and sharing what our passion is, (Apparently my 'passion' is my work... how sad is that???!!!!) we were asked to grab the crayons and a piece of paper, and were asked to draw our "souls". Now this is not as easy as it may seem. How does one draw their soul?? Give it a go, seriously, its not easy. And funny enough, right there in the first hour was where the first issue of mine came to the surface... Why was i having such trouble putting crayon to paper? Why was everyone else going for it, while i was there crayon in hand ready to go but coming up with nothing..
I realised that i didn't want to draw because i think i am crap at it. I have no hesitation in admitting this, i cant draw for shit. Never have been able to. But why did i think that?? Is this something that i have always thought? I mean sure, i think i have always realised that i was no Picasso (and i have been to the museum in Barcelona, he is not THAT good...), but why did i believe that i was so horribly terrible at drawing or being artistic that if anyone saw it they would laugh loudly at me and my attempt and i would rip up the paper and storm out of the room...? Later on after a deep conversation with a fellow 'life carer', i realised it was because of an old art teacher i had.
Sure, i was never really good, but what do you do with a kid who has no artistic skill, but is forced to do art??? Well this teacher would say to me "Melissa, you are really not very good at this are you..." She used to get frustrated with me if i couldn't draw the things that she wanted, or if i got the dimensions wrong. So how does a young girl react to that kind of criticism?? Well obviously she shuts down all her artistic urges and never puts crayon to paper again!!
So that's what i did... and i have never drawn anything since then. 13 years it has been since i have ever drawn ANYTHING!!! How amazing is that!! That one thing that one person says can completely distort your view on the world and take away something wonderful. Or should i say, it was my REACTION to what she said. Nobody can make you do or think something negative about yourself unless you allow that on some level.
So that was my crash start to 'life care'. And boy, did the issues keep coming... I wont go into many more here, there were some big some smaller, some stupid, some very very deep.
One thing i do want to touch on though, is the planet...
No please don't fret! I have not become some crazy greenie (not that there is anything wrong with that...) I have not bought some paint to climb up a large building to write a protest...But i have come to a few little inner realisations... One of the things that this life care class was emphasising was the importance and beauty of "Mother Earth". Now i am not quite evolved enough in my thinking to call her "mother earth" without inverted commas... But it is not the label that is important. Its the planet. The place that we live...
We saw a video on the earth called the global brain, and although i realise that it is just one person's opinion and it was slightly biased, it really hit some home truths. The biggest realisation i came to, is that we, as a species are really ruining the planet that we live on!
Now i know we hear this all the time, from the matrix to documentaries by ex vice presidents, the message has been around for a very long time. But for some reason, it may have been the energy of the class in general, with all the other people there too, but somewhere within the depths of me started stirring... I'm not just talking about the whole greenhouse effect thing. Which is huge in itself! (if you believe it all), but the whole fact that we are (and i don't mean to be too negative here, but i do think it will come out like this...) literally a cancer on this planet. If you believe that the earth is a living thing, we are the cells that have mutated, multiplied by tremendous proportions, and produce so much waste that the planet is having trouble keeping up with us. We are destroying the planet! And we talk about this, and we watch our documentaries, but how much is that actually having an effect on anything...??
I realise that all life does this to some extent. Even if human beings were not on this planet, the other animals still produce waste, but it is in much more of a balance. And when you look up to the stars and the universe, i cant help but wonder if "life" as we know it here on earth, is not a 'devine plan', but nothing more than a freak accident. I am sure that we are not the only living beings in the universe, when you look at all the billions of stars in our galaxy, and look at the other BILLIONS of galaxies out there with their TRILLIONS of stars, it is mathematically impossible for us to be the only life... But still, to see the other planets in our solar system with their baron landscapes, intolerable temperatures and gases that are incompatible with life, it makes me feel that we are nothing but a lucky mistake of atoms. Does this ever make you feel insignificant??
I went away up north a few months ago and was away from the city, i LOVED being able to look up at the stars, you can barely see them in Sydney... So when i literally lay down on the beach and looked up at the beautiful magnificence of the galaxy that we live in, i tried to explain this to my friend. She told me that the way i was describing this made her feel very insignificant. That there was no point to existence at all, that we are nothing but a speck of sand on the beach that i was lying on. I could understand her reasoning, but at the same time, the same facts actually made me feel quite secure. Looking up at the vastness, i couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of belonging*... That i was part of something magnificent and wonderful. It put all my petty little life problems into perspective. And to think that one day i will be nothing more than a different part of the whole, not in the physical realm, gave me a few blissful moments where my mortality did not scare me, my mind wasn't in the way, and i was nothing more than a beautiful part of a beautiful universe. Now that i look back though, these are the moments that i strive for. But i find it hard to strive for that peace and serenity that i know is already there somewhere, if i cant see the stars....
Our planet is a beautiful and wondrous place. And if we are polluting ourselves to extinction, i cant help but think that we deserve it, and the only thing that reassures me, is that we will still in some way, be part of the greater whole, and that hopefully our planet will be able to heal.
So anyway, to cut a very long essay short, the weekend class has changed my inner feeling on topics that i have already pondered mentally, and hopefully this is a change for the long term!
I hope that you enjoyed this first "blog", i have really enjoyed and felt inspired writing it, please feel free to let anyone read it who wants to. I don't care how many people think i am a loon!! I AM a loon!!
Thanks for listening to my ramblings!!
Mel
* Funny note here, notice how the way that someone looks at something COMPLETELY can change their whole outlook. The same facts to two completely different people can cause such a dramatically different effect on their emotional system!! My friends insignificance to my magnificent wonder!!!
Mels Blog Introduction
Hi All!
Because i love creative writing, humor and talking about stuff that has been happening in my life, i have decided to give this whole "Blogging" thing a try. So hopefully here you will find stories of inspiration, things to make you laugh, make you cry, overall though, i just hope that you enjoy reading!!
Mel xoxo
Because i love creative writing, humor and talking about stuff that has been happening in my life, i have decided to give this whole "Blogging" thing a try. So hopefully here you will find stories of inspiration, things to make you laugh, make you cry, overall though, i just hope that you enjoy reading!!
Mel xoxo
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