Episode 4 - Chaos and Stillness

Hi Everyone!

I know i have not written in this blog for a long time. I had a few emails asking about my experience at Vipassana, but have not yet been able to put everything down on paper. I figured it was about time to write SOMETHING about it, and for all of you who seemed to be interested in doing it yourselves after i spoke to you, hopefully it will give you a bit of a reminder.

But here is where the dilemma starts. I want to write down everything that happened and what i ate, and where i slept... How the meditations went. But I cant. If i give too much detail about the experience that i had, i may ruin it for others. And that would be the worst thing i could do.

But what i am going to explain, are some of the fundamental lessons that i have learned while i was there, and more importantly the lessons that i took away and kept after six months...

And i like lists, so here goes:

1. You are not your thoughts.
"Yeah yeah yeah" i hear you say... i have heard this one before... You are not your thoughts... tell me something i dont know... Well thats the thing. A lot of people DON'T know that. Most of the time in life, we get so swept up in our thoughts that they become our reality.

I read recently in some hippy book, that you have over 60 THOUSAND thoughts in every one day... And over 99% of them are crap. Useless crap. You know the thoughts... "Oh look at that over there, thats shiny", or "I hate this ad", or "Look at what they are wearing", "I hate this", "Why cant it be this way or that way?". Our head is full of these useless thoughts. And we get carried away with them. Follow them... Dwell on them...
We constantly live in the world of our thoughts, and these thoughts are never in the present. They are always in alternate realities, such as "what if's" or in the past dwelling on past mistakes, or even caught up in previous THOUGHTS... What a cycle!! And we are all in it!! Every one of us. Some more than others obviously, but everyone none the less.

So why do we have such an attachment to these thoughts?? Because we learn to become attached. From a very young age we learn to put labels on things, and to live in the world of the past or potential future.

In the experience that i had at Vipassana, i learned to be in the present moment. Obviously this isn't an experience that lasts forever... only very short times...

speaking of forever...

2. NOTHING lasts forever. EVERYTHING changes.
Every cell in our body is changing in every second. The person that you were when you started reading this chapter, you are not now. Chemically, your composition has changed, your structure. We are only a bunch of changing, moving cells. Emotional pain for example, does not last forever. It is ever changing and transforming... even if it is from one pain to another. But maybe, just maybe, if we acknowledge that its not going to last forever, we can get through it...

3. We can alter our PERCEPTIONS.
How awesome would it be, to not be upset about something anymore. Or to not be affected by something anymore. I like the analagy used by Neale Donald Walsh in "Conversations with God". You look down at a rock. Its just a rock right??? Sure... But from the ROCKS perspective, it is a magnificant structure, with billions of atoms moving at trememdous speeds. From the rocks perspective, it is tumultuous! It is loud and chaotic in there. It is forever changing, never staying the same... yet to us, its just a rock... So what are WE missing?? An astronaut looks down at the earth. It is just a rock right? It looks calm and serene. But from the EARTHs perspective, it is chaotic, billions of people, storms, weather... Spinning on its axis, ever changing. But from the astronaut's perspective, its a beautiful blue ball sitting in an endless nothing...
So if we can change the perceptions we have about our everyday life, there would be no limitations on how wonderful we can feel, even when the worst things are happening to us. We have the power to change every situation we are experiencing into a positive... To get away from being a victim, to be more at peace.

4. Meditate, Meditate, Meditate.
Once i got back from vipassana, i felt so in control... I was so informed, so pleased with myself that i let everything go to poo. I stopped meditating, stopped being so insightful and got back into my little shell... Even though i hate it there!! I couldn't stop it! And that is because i am so conditioned to feeling like that, to being in control. Continuous practice is the key to success.

5. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Your body tells you when you are tired, what you are feeling, how connected you are feeling. Your body speaks louder than we give it credit for. The experience i had allowed me to be connected to my body in a way i had never been before. To be able to experience almost down to a cellular level, the energy of my body. The power of my heart beating, the softness of a breeze against my skin. The warmth that I generate. It was an amazing experience to be so connected. And i have not felt so connected since then. But i have realised that i need to listen to my body more, to acknowledge it and enjoy it.

I have always been one to believe that everything happens at the time it is supposed to, and that 'everything happens for a reason' and all of that...
Only days after returning from vipassana, I lost my beautiful Nan. She died of complications following a bad fall. She passed away quite peacefully with her family around her and we all got to say our goodbyes. The experience i had at vipassana truly helped me cope with this loss, both as it was happening, and in the days, weeks and months to follow. During vipassana, I remember vividly on one of the last days of the meditations, i heard a beautiful voice so powerful and clear. It said "Nan is going to leave this earth very soon. When you leave here you need to go to see her." This voice did not make me upset, the only way to explain it was a wonderful feeling of knowing. Knowing that everything changes, that life does not not last forever, and not to be upset, but to be at peace with it.
I believe this voice was not some spirit, or some divine prophecy. I believe that this was my inner voice, the voice of somewhere deep within my consciousness, where we are all connected as one. Where everything is connected as one. And to have tapped into that, even if just for ONE moment, is worth all the rest.

Mel xoxo



"Each must discover his own way in life, and that way lies in his heart.
Let him delve deeply into the depths of his being; his true centre is not far from there."

- N. Sri Ram