Hi Everyone!
Thanks to those of you who have read my blog, especially the last one, and contacted me with your kind words!
So, today I am going to blab on a little bit as per usual, and give you my thoughts about Wednesday!!
Wednesday I head back to Vipassana for another 10 day silent meditation course.
I am hearing two things a lot at the moment. Firstly, when i tell people that i am doing a 10 day Buddhist silent meditation course, they say "I COULD NEVER DO THAT!!!"... Let me assure you, that if I can do it, YOU can do it... I talk more than most people put together I am sure...
The second thing that I hear is "Why would you want to do that again??" So here is my answer...
Over the past year, no over a year now, I have been feeling a little disconnected with my spiritual side. Two years ago, I was in a very different place spiritually. I felt connected and happy, and i know that over time, i have let my habitual thoughts take shape again, and push me into a bit of a tedious existence. Not that anything is wrong with my life, on the contrary, things are great... But I feel that when things were worse, i was looking more at the positives, and finding the good things in all the crap... Now that I have gotten rid of the crap, I keep looking for it. Its like i want to bathe in the bad things. So even the wonderful things in my life i am looking negatively at!
One thing i am aware of though, is my awareness of these negative habitual thought patterns. I am aware that i am not quite right, i am aware that I need to fix things... But i keep looking backwards. Why cant things be like they used to be?? Why can't I be connected like i used to be??
The answer?? Because we can never relive our past. Nothing will ever be exactly the same again as it was at any time in the past. Everything changes and evolves. We change and evolve. At a time in my past where I used to have such instability in my life, I found stability in looking at the spiritual side. And now that I have a lot of stability, I am still looking for it elsewhere.
I am fully aware that I will never be "completely content", until I realise, not just in my analytical thoughts, but ACTUALLY FEEL deep down there somewhere, that I am already content, and just get out of these negative thought patterns.
But, its much easier said than done... When i have glimpses of relief, when I realise that there is nothing ever really wrong in the moment that we are in, it is wonderful... But then something will happen. Something stupidly small, and i will find myself lost again.
The last time that I did vipassana, I began to learn how to let go of the thoughts in my head. I started to BELIEVE and FEEL deep in my being, that there is no such thing as unhappiness outside of our thoughts... That "happiness" and "unhappiness" are just words to express where our thoughts are at. And that if we let go of our thoughts, there is just nothing... which ironically, is more beautiful than all the happiness you could imagine.
So, bring on the sore legs, the back aches, muscle cramps and physical pain of hours upon hours of meditating... Bring on the silence and not having to bitch, and whinge and chat chat chat chat!!! Gosh! I am so excited!!! I cant wait to take a holiday from my head!!!
Love to all! Catch ya in 10 days or so!!
Mel xoxo
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Monday, December 27, 2010
Yes Man
Hi everyone.
Let me start by wishing everyone a very merry xmas, and I hope that you are surrounded by family and friends that you care about very much!
It has been a very crazy time over the last six months. A lot of ups and downs, not that there is anything different about that in my life. But this time some of the lows have been really low, and have taken me to a place I have never quite been before.
I am sure that everyone reading this had dealt with grief before in their life. It is something that we all go through. I have been through grief a few times in my life. I remember the effect losing each of my grandparents had on my life and as a nurse I have watched many people die, and have had a window into the grief that their families must be feeling. But still, nothing adequately prepared me for losing a family member, someone wonderful... That was only 27 years old.
I have been thinking about a lot since he passed away. I know they are normal thoughts, but I dont imagine that they are the most healthy for my mental wellbeing! Things that have eaten away at me the most, were the things that I never said. The things that I never got to tell him, the laughter we never got to share. Regrets. Regrets are the worst thing. I regret a lot of things. I regret keeping him at a distance, I regret not being closer to him. I even regret declining his offer when he asked me to drop everything and go to Japan with him and his friends.
I think about the fact that I am only 27 years old. If it were me, have I lived enough? What if it were me? What if I were to die tomorrow? Would I be content with people's memories of me? Have I been nice enough? Have I loved enough? Would people miss me? Would people have the same thoughts as I am having right now? Have I made the right decisions in my life? Have I let people go that I shouldn't have? Have I held onto people or things that I should have let go? Have I been focusing on the wrong things? What really matters anyway? Does anything really matter anyway?
I don't really know what I believe in at the moment. I like to think that he is there. Sometimes I swear I can see him or feel him, that when I talk to him he is listening. Sometimes I feel that he shows me things, gives me signs – sorts of synchronistic occurrences that give my heart that flutter of hope that it was his doing. Even though my logical brain knows that it is statistically nothing but a coincidence. But I still cling to them, these flutters of something else. Isn't that what faith is anyway? Even though you know in your logical mind, that nothing exists, there is still that hope, and that flutter... That AHH moment where logic doesn't matter, and feeling takes over.
I guess all I can do is be myself. I am a very spiritual person, with a wave of strong scepticism at the moment. I am very open minded, but realistic at the same time. Do I believe that he is still around? Of course I do. Because if I don't then what do I have? Because if he is not around, then everything I have worked so hard to believe in is a lie.
So he is there, and he is laughing at me for being such an idiot, and he wants me to say Yes to Japan in the next life.
Love Mel
Hold onto those who you love tightly, nothing lasts forever.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Patience is a Virtue??
Amazing i know! to write in this thing two times in the space of only mere weeks! Writing phases i guess...
This time i wanted to talk a bit about something that has been driving me crazy over the past weeks, patience!!
As i am moderately sure those who know me would agree, i am quite a patient person. I am patient for a living... I am usually quite calm, controlled and can wait for things without getting too impatient. At the moment however, the universe is giving me a little lesson in patience.
As i mentioned in my last blog, i have been through waves of feeling spiritual and in tune, and not. Well i am still in the middle of a big NOT...
Unfortunately with this NOT comes FORGETTING what is important in life. I remember back to the time when i would never get worked up over waiting for something tangible. Let alone FRETTING for something tangible. But here I am, currently waiting for several tangible impending items or events which i could live without! But i must admit, i am quite happy to be driving myself batty over them. A new car, 6 weeks off work with an amazing holiday, a big party, a new camera.. this is the month of THINGS... that unfortunately i have to WAIT FOR!!!
So why, when i have all the resources within me to refrain from becoming irritated... all the resources to take things as they are and be thankful for what i have! So why do i want MORE AND MORE, and WANT to want more and more??? Is this spiritual lull so low that i would forget the things that really matter?? My mental health? My stress levels?? Why am i intent at the moment on working myself up over waiting for THINGS???
If today was my last day on earth, i would look down (or up or across or into - depending on what happens after we die really...) and be so ashamed of myself right now. I have lost my mojo! Lost my patience. Lost my ability to think; "Hey Mel... another week before you get your car is not the end of the world!"
Anyway i am sure that there is a lesson here for me somewhere... for example, perhaps all the waiting will be worth it... Or maybe I will crash my car the day i get it... I'm hoping its not the latter.
Warm waiting wishes!
Mel xoxo
PS- All this writing about it has actually made the tangible things seem not quite so urgent... Lets see how long i can hold it for...
---
Patience is waiting, but not passively waiting... That is laziness.
(Hmm i think they are onto something here........)
Friday, July 30, 2010
Waves and calm waters
I read somewhere that life moves in waves. I guess thats true. You spend some time at the bottom for a while dreaming of the top and then little things happen and you start to move up a bit. Sometimes you climb a little way and then find yourself going back down again, and other times you suddenly and unexpectedly go up so quickly that you can't keep up! Other times you just get stuck dead calm waters, not really going anywhere... or the waves are all around you, and you are looking at them, and you can feel their movement... but you just can't seem to catch one!
For me my spirituality seems to go in waves. For 12 months there or so I was so tuned in. I was always happy and calm and content, I was always interested in improving myself and was so into making my mind healthy! I was good at not letting minor things get to me, and living as much in the moment that i could... But now I continue in a spiritual lull.
Luckily all the work that i put in improving myself and my coping abilities makes me content in the fact that everything is temporary, nothing lasts forever. We cant always be at the top!
What is really interesting in this whole thing, is that while my spiritual lull continues, my life has been really wonderful. My career is going along well, my friendships are good and my relationship is absolutely wonderful.
So i am not in a bad place at all, by any means! Things in my tangable life are better than they have ever been!!
But back there in the background i am feeling more disconnected from myself and the universe. Although as the wise Buddha once said, the middle way is the way to go...
Perhaps a lovely European holiday will help with my "universe connection" problem. Perhaps the reception will be better over there for a while...? And writing seems to make me feel better, so i shall write and write and write... www.melsholiday.blogspot.com
In the meantime, keep on truckin'
Mel xo
---
Those who discover the middle way are like suns. They appear to be in motion, but in reality they make their stand at the midway point. - JJ Dewey
For me my spirituality seems to go in waves. For 12 months there or so I was so tuned in. I was always happy and calm and content, I was always interested in improving myself and was so into making my mind healthy! I was good at not letting minor things get to me, and living as much in the moment that i could... But now I continue in a spiritual lull.
Luckily all the work that i put in improving myself and my coping abilities makes me content in the fact that everything is temporary, nothing lasts forever. We cant always be at the top!
What is really interesting in this whole thing, is that while my spiritual lull continues, my life has been really wonderful. My career is going along well, my friendships are good and my relationship is absolutely wonderful.
So i am not in a bad place at all, by any means! Things in my tangable life are better than they have ever been!!
But back there in the background i am feeling more disconnected from myself and the universe. Although as the wise Buddha once said, the middle way is the way to go...
Perhaps a lovely European holiday will help with my "universe connection" problem. Perhaps the reception will be better over there for a while...? And writing seems to make me feel better, so i shall write and write and write... www.melsholiday.blogspot.com
In the meantime, keep on truckin'
Mel xo
---
Those who discover the middle way are like suns. They appear to be in motion, but in reality they make their stand at the midway point. - JJ Dewey
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Episode 6 - Vegetarianism
Hi everyone,
I wanted to write about being a vegetarian today, because it is something that has been on my mind lately. I have a feeling though, that its going to turn more into a bit of a whinge...
Up until about 7 months ago, i was a big meat-eater. I would have meat every day. Chicken, beef, pork, bacon... I would eat it all... I always did have a small objection to eating meat, as i am sure a lot of you also have. I would stop for a few seconds before i ate it and thought to myself "Gee, this is a living creature". But I suppose due to the conditioning I have had all my life (being: eat meat, its good for you), the few seconds would only ever be that, a few seconds... And then i was chowing down on the cooked flesh of another creature...
When people ask me (and they ask me a lot, almost someone everyday) why I became a vegetarian, I usually give them some story about feeling sick if i eat meat, or "my body feels better now I don't eat it", which is not a lie... But they have nothing to do with why I stopped eating it.
Sometimes I even use the vipassana meditation I went to as an excuse. I know I shouldn't . I should just be open and honest. But I have noticed that a lot of people are plain rude to me about my non meat eating...
So then, why don't I eat meat anymore??
Because I just don't FRIGGING want to!
I do not want to eat the flesh of another animal!!!
Oh that feels so nice to say that! I am so sick of making excuses for the food I eat, or apologise for the food that I don't eat.
As hippy as this may sound: I believe that ALL life is precious. Fundamentally, down to the smaller units of matter, there is not one thing separating me from another living creature.
I do not want to eat another creature that may have a soul, that looks through its own eyes... That has its own thoughts...
So call me crazy, but I DON'T WANT TO EAT MEAT!!! So why do people look at me as though i should have come out of some mental institution, or escaped from some circus tent when I tell them that I don't eat meat!!?? Why do I find that I have to LIE to them, to make MYSELF feel better??
I am determined now, that the next person that asks me why i have "converted" to the vego clan, I am going to be honest with. I am going to say "I just didn't want to eat meat anymore".
I think that people get defensive. They think that just because I don't eat meat, that I am going to protest against the fact that they do, and make them feel bad for eating meat. Well I am sure that a lot of vegetarians do, but not me. I am not a converter... I am not going to tell someone off for something I had been doing myself for 26 years!!! Can't we all just get along??
I am vegetarian, and proud of it!! So stop giving me shit!!
Mel xoxoxo
You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, ill buy you a new car.
- Harvey Diamond
I wanted to write about being a vegetarian today, because it is something that has been on my mind lately. I have a feeling though, that its going to turn more into a bit of a whinge...
Up until about 7 months ago, i was a big meat-eater. I would have meat every day. Chicken, beef, pork, bacon... I would eat it all... I always did have a small objection to eating meat, as i am sure a lot of you also have. I would stop for a few seconds before i ate it and thought to myself "Gee, this is a living creature". But I suppose due to the conditioning I have had all my life (being: eat meat, its good for you), the few seconds would only ever be that, a few seconds... And then i was chowing down on the cooked flesh of another creature...
When people ask me (and they ask me a lot, almost someone everyday) why I became a vegetarian, I usually give them some story about feeling sick if i eat meat, or "my body feels better now I don't eat it", which is not a lie... But they have nothing to do with why I stopped eating it.
Sometimes I even use the vipassana meditation I went to as an excuse. I know I shouldn't . I should just be open and honest. But I have noticed that a lot of people are plain rude to me about my non meat eating...
So then, why don't I eat meat anymore??
Because I just don't FRIGGING want to!
I do not want to eat the flesh of another animal!!!
Oh that feels so nice to say that! I am so sick of making excuses for the food I eat, or apologise for the food that I don't eat.
As hippy as this may sound: I believe that ALL life is precious. Fundamentally, down to the smaller units of matter, there is not one thing separating me from another living creature.
I do not want to eat another creature that may have a soul, that looks through its own eyes... That has its own thoughts...
So call me crazy, but I DON'T WANT TO EAT MEAT!!! So why do people look at me as though i should have come out of some mental institution, or escaped from some circus tent when I tell them that I don't eat meat!!?? Why do I find that I have to LIE to them, to make MYSELF feel better??
I am determined now, that the next person that asks me why i have "converted" to the vego clan, I am going to be honest with. I am going to say "I just didn't want to eat meat anymore".
I think that people get defensive. They think that just because I don't eat meat, that I am going to protest against the fact that they do, and make them feel bad for eating meat. Well I am sure that a lot of vegetarians do, but not me. I am not a converter... I am not going to tell someone off for something I had been doing myself for 26 years!!! Can't we all just get along??
I am vegetarian, and proud of it!! So stop giving me shit!!
Mel xoxoxo
You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, ill buy you a new car.
- Harvey Diamond
Friday, January 8, 2010
Episode 5 - A Harsh Lesson
Ah the 5th episode. I dont really know what this episode is going to be about, so i am going to wing it. I have had the urge to write and instead of supressing it, i have decided to just start typing. Only question is, where the hell am i going to start??
I have blabbed on in my blogs about some issues that are close to my heart. Really close to my heart. About being still, and being in the moment, and not allowing yourself to get caught up in trivial life issues. About letting go, and that everything changes, to enjoy silence and solitude.. To go with the flow of life and all that jazz...
Well ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who thought that i actually had it... For those of you who thought "Wow... Mel seems to have her shit sorted..." I would like to face the music so to speak, and admit what a complete loon I have been in the last 1.5 months... And how NOT sorted my shit has been...
Without getting too personal, after all this is a PUBLIC blog, that every Tom, Dick, Harry and potential ex husband is able to read *EKKK*, lets just say that these last one and a half months have been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride. Incredible highs, rock bottom lows... I am sure that all of you can relate. Anyway, the point is not what is actually happening... Its what has happened to my strength so to speak... Its about where i am at on the inside, and how the hell i get out of here and back to some sort of spiritual sanity!!??
I have seen many people close to me lose their way at times... Feel lost and alone. I am sure we have all been there. Something happens, and catches us at a low point, and BOOM!! The world metaphorically comes crashing down on us and we don't know what to do. I dont think we would quite be human if this didn't happen. What really interests me about these times though, is that we FORGET. We forget who we really are, and the strength we REALLY posess, and we get wrapped up in the drama. We get into this habit of feeling sorry for ourselves, and we dwell in it. We enjoy it almost. Its like a vaccum that sucks you back in. But where is the line? Where does it become unhealthy?
Its interesting how each different person reacts differently. Some people can't even see outside the vaccum they are in... There is no talking to some people... Others see glimpses, but are unable to step away... Or they see that they are able to, but believe they lack the power to move... Others spot it straight away and out they come...
As for me, after being on this ride for a month and a half, i have began to step back a little. To start being more aware. And let me tell you, it is so much better on this side of the fence. Although, to look back at the way i have reacted to things, and felt about things, and dealt with things, makes me very upset with myself!!! What happened?? Why have i been feeling so miserable?? How have i let a situation that i cannot control, effect me so much? Even the really wonderful times of the immediate past, have been tainted with this storm cloud that keeps crashing lightning down on me... And the really funny thing, is that i always HAVE been in control. I am in complete control of how i allow things to effect me. I KNOW THIS!! I have EXPERIENCED this!!! So how come i have let myself get so lost??? And even more importantly, HOW DO I FIX IT?? How do i get out and prevent getting sucked back in again??
Perhaps the answer to this question lies in the approach... I am going to jump out of myself completely for a moment and i am going to pretend that this is not me. What would i say if this were one of my friends going through this? What words of wisdom would i give? What inspirational speeches would i make?
First up i would suggest that they meditate. To get some peace and quiet from their mind for a while. To try and stop the constant mind chatter... To connect with themselves on a deeper level. EVERY DAY...
Secondly, I would suggest that they watch their thoughts and not become intertwined in their thoughts. Isn't that what every new age self help book is saying nowadays??
I would suggest that they keep a diary and keep getting everything out. A blog perhaps?
I would suggest that they converse with a bunch of crazy like-minded people who can help them through it. I would tell them to look up at the stars, to read books, to practice gratitude, to look for more meaning in little things, do some tarot or affirmation cards, i would tell them to practice the law of attraction!! What is the ironic thing about all of this?? (other than the obvious hippy factor??)
IM NOT DOING ANY OF THIS!!
No wonder i have been feeling frigging miserable!! I have been trying to avoid feeling miserable so much that i have not realised that i have been miserable. And i have been desperatly trying to hold on to the moments that are NOT miserable so much that I have not been able to fully embrace those moments... All my efforts to avoid misery, have led to MORE misery........ Jesus!!! the Buddhists are RIGHT!!! Far out!!! Why do we humans do this to ourselves??? No wonder we spend so many lifetimes trying to get it right!!! It seems almost impossible!!
So what now? Where do i go from here? Stay positive... keep meditating... FULLY ENJOY EACH MOMENT, no matter what is happening somewhere/some-when else... Stay cheerful, enjoy the lack of control...
One step at at time... One day at a time... At least i can feel the old spiritually sane Mel coming back!! And its about bloody time!!!!!!!!
Mel xoxo
------
"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Seperate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which is always as it is."
- Eckhart Tolle
I have blabbed on in my blogs about some issues that are close to my heart. Really close to my heart. About being still, and being in the moment, and not allowing yourself to get caught up in trivial life issues. About letting go, and that everything changes, to enjoy silence and solitude.. To go with the flow of life and all that jazz...
Well ladies and gentlemen, for those of you who thought that i actually had it... For those of you who thought "Wow... Mel seems to have her shit sorted..." I would like to face the music so to speak, and admit what a complete loon I have been in the last 1.5 months... And how NOT sorted my shit has been...
Without getting too personal, after all this is a PUBLIC blog, that every Tom, Dick, Harry and potential ex husband is able to read *EKKK*, lets just say that these last one and a half months have been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride. Incredible highs, rock bottom lows... I am sure that all of you can relate. Anyway, the point is not what is actually happening... Its what has happened to my strength so to speak... Its about where i am at on the inside, and how the hell i get out of here and back to some sort of spiritual sanity!!??
I have seen many people close to me lose their way at times... Feel lost and alone. I am sure we have all been there. Something happens, and catches us at a low point, and BOOM!! The world metaphorically comes crashing down on us and we don't know what to do. I dont think we would quite be human if this didn't happen. What really interests me about these times though, is that we FORGET. We forget who we really are, and the strength we REALLY posess, and we get wrapped up in the drama. We get into this habit of feeling sorry for ourselves, and we dwell in it. We enjoy it almost. Its like a vaccum that sucks you back in. But where is the line? Where does it become unhealthy?
Its interesting how each different person reacts differently. Some people can't even see outside the vaccum they are in... There is no talking to some people... Others see glimpses, but are unable to step away... Or they see that they are able to, but believe they lack the power to move... Others spot it straight away and out they come...
As for me, after being on this ride for a month and a half, i have began to step back a little. To start being more aware. And let me tell you, it is so much better on this side of the fence. Although, to look back at the way i have reacted to things, and felt about things, and dealt with things, makes me very upset with myself!!! What happened?? Why have i been feeling so miserable?? How have i let a situation that i cannot control, effect me so much? Even the really wonderful times of the immediate past, have been tainted with this storm cloud that keeps crashing lightning down on me... And the really funny thing, is that i always HAVE been in control. I am in complete control of how i allow things to effect me. I KNOW THIS!! I have EXPERIENCED this!!! So how come i have let myself get so lost??? And even more importantly, HOW DO I FIX IT?? How do i get out and prevent getting sucked back in again??
Perhaps the answer to this question lies in the approach... I am going to jump out of myself completely for a moment and i am going to pretend that this is not me. What would i say if this were one of my friends going through this? What words of wisdom would i give? What inspirational speeches would i make?
First up i would suggest that they meditate. To get some peace and quiet from their mind for a while. To try and stop the constant mind chatter... To connect with themselves on a deeper level. EVERY DAY...
Secondly, I would suggest that they watch their thoughts and not become intertwined in their thoughts. Isn't that what every new age self help book is saying nowadays??
I would suggest that they keep a diary and keep getting everything out. A blog perhaps?
I would suggest that they converse with a bunch of crazy like-minded people who can help them through it. I would tell them to look up at the stars, to read books, to practice gratitude, to look for more meaning in little things, do some tarot or affirmation cards, i would tell them to practice the law of attraction!! What is the ironic thing about all of this?? (other than the obvious hippy factor??)
IM NOT DOING ANY OF THIS!!
No wonder i have been feeling frigging miserable!! I have been trying to avoid feeling miserable so much that i have not realised that i have been miserable. And i have been desperatly trying to hold on to the moments that are NOT miserable so much that I have not been able to fully embrace those moments... All my efforts to avoid misery, have led to MORE misery........ Jesus!!! the Buddhists are RIGHT!!! Far out!!! Why do we humans do this to ourselves??? No wonder we spend so many lifetimes trying to get it right!!! It seems almost impossible!!
So what now? Where do i go from here? Stay positive... keep meditating... FULLY ENJOY EACH MOMENT, no matter what is happening somewhere/some-when else... Stay cheerful, enjoy the lack of control...
One step at at time... One day at a time... At least i can feel the old spiritually sane Mel coming back!! And its about bloody time!!!!!!!!
Mel xoxo
------
"The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Seperate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which is always as it is."
- Eckhart Tolle
Monday, November 30, 2009
Episode 4 - Chaos and Stillness
Hi Everyone!
I know i have not written in this blog for a long time. I had a few emails asking about my experience at Vipassana, but have not yet been able to put everything down on paper. I figured it was about time to write SOMETHING about it, and for all of you who seemed to be interested in doing it yourselves after i spoke to you, hopefully it will give you a bit of a reminder.
But here is where the dilemma starts. I want to write down everything that happened and what i ate, and where i slept... How the meditations went. But I cant. If i give too much detail about the experience that i had, i may ruin it for others. And that would be the worst thing i could do.
But what i am going to explain, are some of the fundamental lessons that i have learned while i was there, and more importantly the lessons that i took away and kept after six months...
And i like lists, so here goes:
1. You are not your thoughts.
"Yeah yeah yeah" i hear you say... i have heard this one before... You are not your thoughts... tell me something i dont know... Well thats the thing. A lot of people DON'T know that. Most of the time in life, we get so swept up in our thoughts that they become our reality.
I read recently in some hippy book, that you have over 60 THOUSAND thoughts in every one day... And over 99% of them are crap. Useless crap. You know the thoughts... "Oh look at that over there, thats shiny", or "I hate this ad", or "Look at what they are wearing", "I hate this", "Why cant it be this way or that way?". Our head is full of these useless thoughts. And we get carried away with them. Follow them... Dwell on them...
We constantly live in the world of our thoughts, and these thoughts are never in the present. They are always in alternate realities, such as "what if's" or in the past dwelling on past mistakes, or even caught up in previous THOUGHTS... What a cycle!! And we are all in it!! Every one of us. Some more than others obviously, but everyone none the less.
So why do we have such an attachment to these thoughts?? Because we learn to become attached. From a very young age we learn to put labels on things, and to live in the world of the past or potential future.
In the experience that i had at Vipassana, i learned to be in the present moment. Obviously this isn't an experience that lasts forever... only very short times...
speaking of forever...
2. NOTHING lasts forever. EVERYTHING changes.
Every cell in our body is changing in every second. The person that you were when you started reading this chapter, you are not now. Chemically, your composition has changed, your structure. We are only a bunch of changing, moving cells. Emotional pain for example, does not last forever. It is ever changing and transforming... even if it is from one pain to another. But maybe, just maybe, if we acknowledge that its not going to last forever, we can get through it...
3. We can alter our PERCEPTIONS.
How awesome would it be, to not be upset about something anymore. Or to not be affected by something anymore. I like the analagy used by Neale Donald Walsh in "Conversations with God". You look down at a rock. Its just a rock right??? Sure... But from the ROCKS perspective, it is a magnificant structure, with billions of atoms moving at trememdous speeds. From the rocks perspective, it is tumultuous! It is loud and chaotic in there. It is forever changing, never staying the same... yet to us, its just a rock... So what are WE missing?? An astronaut looks down at the earth. It is just a rock right? It looks calm and serene. But from the EARTHs perspective, it is chaotic, billions of people, storms, weather... Spinning on its axis, ever changing. But from the astronaut's perspective, its a beautiful blue ball sitting in an endless nothing...
So if we can change the perceptions we have about our everyday life, there would be no limitations on how wonderful we can feel, even when the worst things are happening to us. We have the power to change every situation we are experiencing into a positive... To get away from being a victim, to be more at peace.
4. Meditate, Meditate, Meditate.
Once i got back from vipassana, i felt so in control... I was so informed, so pleased with myself that i let everything go to poo. I stopped meditating, stopped being so insightful and got back into my little shell... Even though i hate it there!! I couldn't stop it! And that is because i am so conditioned to feeling like that, to being in control. Continuous practice is the key to success.
5. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Your body tells you when you are tired, what you are feeling, how connected you are feeling. Your body speaks louder than we give it credit for. The experience i had allowed me to be connected to my body in a way i had never been before. To be able to experience almost down to a cellular level, the energy of my body. The power of my heart beating, the softness of a breeze against my skin. The warmth that I generate. It was an amazing experience to be so connected. And i have not felt so connected since then. But i have realised that i need to listen to my body more, to acknowledge it and enjoy it.
I have always been one to believe that everything happens at the time it is supposed to, and that 'everything happens for a reason' and all of that...
Only days after returning from vipassana, I lost my beautiful Nan. She died of complications following a bad fall. She passed away quite peacefully with her family around her and we all got to say our goodbyes. The experience i had at vipassana truly helped me cope with this loss, both as it was happening, and in the days, weeks and months to follow. During vipassana, I remember vividly on one of the last days of the meditations, i heard a beautiful voice so powerful and clear. It said "Nan is going to leave this earth very soon. When you leave here you need to go to see her." This voice did not make me upset, the only way to explain it was a wonderful feeling of knowing. Knowing that everything changes, that life does not not last forever, and not to be upset, but to be at peace with it.
I believe this voice was not some spirit, or some divine prophecy. I believe that this was my inner voice, the voice of somewhere deep within my consciousness, where we are all connected as one. Where everything is connected as one. And to have tapped into that, even if just for ONE moment, is worth all the rest.
Mel xoxo
"Each must discover his own way in life, and that way lies in his heart.
Let him delve deeply into the depths of his being; his true centre is not far from there."
- N. Sri Ram
I know i have not written in this blog for a long time. I had a few emails asking about my experience at Vipassana, but have not yet been able to put everything down on paper. I figured it was about time to write SOMETHING about it, and for all of you who seemed to be interested in doing it yourselves after i spoke to you, hopefully it will give you a bit of a reminder.
But here is where the dilemma starts. I want to write down everything that happened and what i ate, and where i slept... How the meditations went. But I cant. If i give too much detail about the experience that i had, i may ruin it for others. And that would be the worst thing i could do.
But what i am going to explain, are some of the fundamental lessons that i have learned while i was there, and more importantly the lessons that i took away and kept after six months...
And i like lists, so here goes:
1. You are not your thoughts.
"Yeah yeah yeah" i hear you say... i have heard this one before... You are not your thoughts... tell me something i dont know... Well thats the thing. A lot of people DON'T know that. Most of the time in life, we get so swept up in our thoughts that they become our reality.
I read recently in some hippy book, that you have over 60 THOUSAND thoughts in every one day... And over 99% of them are crap. Useless crap. You know the thoughts... "Oh look at that over there, thats shiny", or "I hate this ad", or "Look at what they are wearing", "I hate this", "Why cant it be this way or that way?". Our head is full of these useless thoughts. And we get carried away with them. Follow them... Dwell on them...
We constantly live in the world of our thoughts, and these thoughts are never in the present. They are always in alternate realities, such as "what if's" or in the past dwelling on past mistakes, or even caught up in previous THOUGHTS... What a cycle!! And we are all in it!! Every one of us. Some more than others obviously, but everyone none the less.
So why do we have such an attachment to these thoughts?? Because we learn to become attached. From a very young age we learn to put labels on things, and to live in the world of the past or potential future.
In the experience that i had at Vipassana, i learned to be in the present moment. Obviously this isn't an experience that lasts forever... only very short times...
speaking of forever...
2. NOTHING lasts forever. EVERYTHING changes.
Every cell in our body is changing in every second. The person that you were when you started reading this chapter, you are not now. Chemically, your composition has changed, your structure. We are only a bunch of changing, moving cells. Emotional pain for example, does not last forever. It is ever changing and transforming... even if it is from one pain to another. But maybe, just maybe, if we acknowledge that its not going to last forever, we can get through it...
3. We can alter our PERCEPTIONS.
How awesome would it be, to not be upset about something anymore. Or to not be affected by something anymore. I like the analagy used by Neale Donald Walsh in "Conversations with God". You look down at a rock. Its just a rock right??? Sure... But from the ROCKS perspective, it is a magnificant structure, with billions of atoms moving at trememdous speeds. From the rocks perspective, it is tumultuous! It is loud and chaotic in there. It is forever changing, never staying the same... yet to us, its just a rock... So what are WE missing?? An astronaut looks down at the earth. It is just a rock right? It looks calm and serene. But from the EARTHs perspective, it is chaotic, billions of people, storms, weather... Spinning on its axis, ever changing. But from the astronaut's perspective, its a beautiful blue ball sitting in an endless nothing...
So if we can change the perceptions we have about our everyday life, there would be no limitations on how wonderful we can feel, even when the worst things are happening to us. We have the power to change every situation we are experiencing into a positive... To get away from being a victim, to be more at peace.
4. Meditate, Meditate, Meditate.
Once i got back from vipassana, i felt so in control... I was so informed, so pleased with myself that i let everything go to poo. I stopped meditating, stopped being so insightful and got back into my little shell... Even though i hate it there!! I couldn't stop it! And that is because i am so conditioned to feeling like that, to being in control. Continuous practice is the key to success.
5. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
Your body tells you when you are tired, what you are feeling, how connected you are feeling. Your body speaks louder than we give it credit for. The experience i had allowed me to be connected to my body in a way i had never been before. To be able to experience almost down to a cellular level, the energy of my body. The power of my heart beating, the softness of a breeze against my skin. The warmth that I generate. It was an amazing experience to be so connected. And i have not felt so connected since then. But i have realised that i need to listen to my body more, to acknowledge it and enjoy it.
I have always been one to believe that everything happens at the time it is supposed to, and that 'everything happens for a reason' and all of that...
Only days after returning from vipassana, I lost my beautiful Nan. She died of complications following a bad fall. She passed away quite peacefully with her family around her and we all got to say our goodbyes. The experience i had at vipassana truly helped me cope with this loss, both as it was happening, and in the days, weeks and months to follow. During vipassana, I remember vividly on one of the last days of the meditations, i heard a beautiful voice so powerful and clear. It said "Nan is going to leave this earth very soon. When you leave here you need to go to see her." This voice did not make me upset, the only way to explain it was a wonderful feeling of knowing. Knowing that everything changes, that life does not not last forever, and not to be upset, but to be at peace with it.
I believe this voice was not some spirit, or some divine prophecy. I believe that this was my inner voice, the voice of somewhere deep within my consciousness, where we are all connected as one. Where everything is connected as one. And to have tapped into that, even if just for ONE moment, is worth all the rest.
Mel xoxo
"Each must discover his own way in life, and that way lies in his heart.
Let him delve deeply into the depths of his being; his true centre is not far from there."
- N. Sri Ram
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